Really Bad Night...

Austin had a HUGE breakdown last night. Cried all night and said he wanted to run away. He doesn't want to be here anymore and if we don't take him home he will'' find his own way" to get there himself basically threatening to run away. He has NEVER done anything like this at all. I sat up most of the night with a blanket so he couldn't get by me.. We reminded him that we're planning to go home next summer and he didn't care, said he wants to go home now, not next year. I cried for hours and when I tried to go back to bed at 3:00 he was still awake crying... He said he feels like we don't care about his concerns and that if we did we wouldn't force him to stay here. We talk about nearly everything with Austin, except money. So it's hard for him to understand why we can't go now. The truth is our savings are gone after spending months in a hotel at $100/night... We need time to save money in order to go home...Chris said he's gonna look for another job at night that will pay more. There's really nothing I can do at the moment. Chris said as long as I can pull in enough (once I am given the all clear) to cover the groceries and small things that he can do the rest. He doesn't want me working full time right now and thats what I was hired to do. He told me to concentrate on finding something part time. He's gonna bust his butt to make enough money that maybe we can go home by Christmas. Austin seemed relieved at the thought we might go home sooner. Our lease is up December 1st, and Chris wants to go then. I am just sick with worry and I wish we never came here to begin with.

My advice to you: If you are really close with your extended family and are contemplating a long distance move. Make damn sure you can really handle being away from family before you go. And don't bother trying to convince yourself, you won't be fooling anyone.

I am sickie!

Ok so I now completely understand the whole morning sickness thing. When I was pregnant with Austin I had it for 5 days and thought it was rough. I have now been sick for a few weeks non stop. I can't keep anything down and we can barely cook with out me getting ill. It has made from some really bland meals. I take pitty on my family who are suffering right along with me.

We made a big decision these past couple weeks. We have decided to go back home next summer. None of us are really adjusting as well as we'd hoped so we're gonna pack it in and move home in a year. I hate feeling like I am throwing in the towel. I have always been a fighter but I so desperately want and need to be home.. close to extended family and friends.

I have been on bed rest for a while (sad complications with my pregnancy- not ready to share this yet) and have an appointment next Friday to find out if everything is still OK . It has me really worried and we had to have a talk with Austin about how sometimes pregnancies are not viable and that it can result in no baby. We explained it as simply and as softly as we could in case something goes wrong it won't be as devastating to him. Until next week we just pray that all is well. I have been feeling a bit better this week. At least well enough to be able to go out a bit. We went to see weird al. That was really fun!

A friend of mine (Shalaine) has been my saving grace... basically keeping me positive when I feel really down.

If you have a chance send me some good vibes/prayers.

Love,

Coleen
XOXOXOXO

Pregnancy

It sure is strange being pregnant again. Unlike many moms, my kids will NOT be close in age. Fertilly issue have forced us to have a very large gap. Austin was born OVER A DECADE AGO! (Pick your jaw back up, that look is not becoming!) I know it's shocking but it's a fact. So being that Austin is 10 we've already been having "The Talks" for quite a while and he has sex ed in school. When we told Austin he was gonna have a brother or sister he looked at us blankly for a second and then said... " Oh gross... That means you guys did it" I laughed so hard and Austin was clearly traumatized.. There comes a time in every kids life where it occurs the them that there parents still have sex. I remember when that day happened for me. I too was traumatized so I understand.

Second on my mind is that I signed up for this great weekly newsletter that talks about the babies progress each week. Austin and I read it together, I figure it will help him with his fears to know exactly what's going on in there. Each week it gives you an idea of the size so the first one I got said it was the size of a Raspberry, so for that week austin had a nickname for it. Last week it likend it to a lima bean so that was what he called it. This week it was a grape, so that's what he calls it. It makes my day to hear it, it's so funny/cute. This morning when Chris was leaving he said "love you, and the little grape too!" I guess he likes the nickname too.

I am so blessed to have what I have already and more and more I notice how my heart sings as result of these little moments...

I am loving life right now more than ever. (Too bad I can't stop throwing up...)

Love,

Coleen
XOXOXOXO

Now my B I G announcement....

I had to share the news with my family first but now that that's done I can spill my guts to you all too! The best way is to show you!

Yes I am almost 9 weeks Pregnant! Those of you who have been reading my blog know that we have had fertility issues and have been trying for #2 for years. Finally we are expecting!!!! We're still working on letting it sink it. It's pretty surreal.

Love, Coleen

XOXOXOXOXO