Ever get the blues?

Sorry for not blogging. Not exactly sure what's up with me. I can't get motivated at all. I feel a bit "down", just a sense of "blah". We were all sick last week and I am not quite better yet. Probably hard for you to understand what I mean but normally I am always pretty upbeat and get a lot accomplished in a day. That has not been the case at all for the past 5 days or so. I literally had to push myself to get on the Internet to check e-mail and post on my blog. Yesterday I was sitting here thinking I should get some closets organized or re clean Austins room. (He does the standard tidying and I go in every couple months or so and do a HUGE overhaul.) I couldn't stomach to do either. I haven't scrapped since Christmas. When I realized that I couldn't convince myself to get some of these things done. I just cried. Talk about ridiculous. I don't know what to do to get back to myself. I am so upset with myself for feeling this way but no matter what I do, it won't go away. Deep down I think I know what troubles me but I can't understand why it effects me so much right now when it has been a long term issue that can't be fixed and we have dealt with it for so long already. Mysterious I know, I don;t like to talk about it because it is a sore spot, I think in all this time blogging I only ever casually mentioned it once. What is it you ask? My inability to have another child. *wince* We have tried for years and no luck. I know we are fortunate to have Austin and should be happy about that but yet my heart yearns for another. For years I have felt like my family is not yet complete. It has struck me that I am going to be 30 this summer (July 12th), Every birthday just makes my chances more difficult. Recently so many people are having babies or getting pregnant and I think all the "being happy for others" is getting harder. Selfish huh?

Well sorry for the downer but it's the only thing on my mind and I can't shake it right now. I guess I just need to push it a bit further down and get on with life.

Love,
Coleen
XOXOXO