Sorry for not blogging. Not exactly sure what's up with me. I can't get motivated at all. I feel a bit "down", just a sense of "blah". We were all sick last week and I am not quite better yet. Probably hard for you to understand what I mean but normally I am always pretty upbeat and get a lot accomplished in a day. That has not been the case at all for the past 5 days or so. I literally had to push myself to get on the Internet to check e-mail and post on my blog. Yesterday I was sitting here thinking I should get some closets organized or re clean Austins room. (He does the standard tidying and I go in every couple months or so and do a HUGE overhaul.) I couldn't stomach to do either. I haven't scrapped since Christmas. When I realized that I couldn't convince myself to get some of these things done. I just cried. Talk about ridiculous. I don't know what to do to get back to myself. I am so upset with myself for feeling this way but no matter what I do, it won't go away. Deep down I think I know what troubles me but I can't understand why it effects me so much right now when it has been a long term issue that can't be fixed and we have dealt with it for so long already. Mysterious I know, I don;t like to talk about it because it is a sore spot, I think in all this time blogging I only ever casually mentioned it once. What is it you ask? My inability to have another child. *wince* We have tried for years and no luck. I know we are fortunate to have Austin and should be happy about that but yet my heart yearns for another. For years I have felt like my family is not yet complete. It has struck me that I am going to be 30 this summer (July 12th), Every birthday just makes my chances more difficult. Recently so many people are having babies or getting pregnant and I think all the "being happy for others" is getting harder. Selfish huh?
Well sorry for the downer but it's the only thing on my mind and I can't shake it right now. I guess I just need to push it a bit further down and get on with life.
Love,
Coleen
XOXOXO
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I am so sorry you have been feeling so down. I know how difficult fertility problems can be.. I've been there and went through one crazy, horrible ordeal before I got pregnant with Natalie. I was just a month shy of being 31 when she was born last October..and I want more than one child too, so it is yet to be seen how it will go next time around. If you ever need someone to talk to or vent about it, I'm here.
ReplyDeleteHope you get to feeling better soon! :)
I am sorry that you are down and feeling unmotivated. I can totally understand that and I do understand how you feel...I hope it gets better really soon...as far as having the blues. I will pray for you. I am sorry that you are sad about fertility problems...I haven't actually experienced that...but have several close friends that have and are going through that now...(hugs) for you and just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. BTW, I have missed hearing from you. Your blog rocks and I am so glad that I have formed all these online friendships. Take care and like Leah said...all your Alabama buddies are here for you!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I was in a total funk for a week-no energy, tired, not motivated,just blah. Then one day I drank some coffee and I was de-funked. I hope you feel better soon. I'm praying for ya girl.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to everything you wrote. I want to hug you so hard right now.
ReplyDeleteI have been in a unk since Bill has been away....almost a year now. Yes, he is home from time to time but I have just hated it all and do not get the things done I should. I do what I HAVE to but that is it. Some days are good but it is what it is..: )
About the child. You know I can understand this. Then I thought that I would be completely at peace after we adopted Dan but here was till that nagging....
years later, when they brought Grace to us in that hotel room in China, I felt completely at peace.
She was crying and scared ro death and wanted nothing to do with us but I was at peace. So, I DO know how you feel.
Sweetie, if you ever want to email me about it all...please do.
combs_sue@yahoo.com
Love ya,
Sue
Have faith my friend. I can tell you all about "baby" problems. I have a condition called adrenal hyperplasia. you actually produce more male hormones than female. Which in turn makes you not ovulate. Correction can cause many problems in a womans system.
ReplyDeleteIn my case I did lose a little weight. I was at the Dr. ( Adupoku) on January 6th, 1999. And I was told 99% impossible that I would ever have a child or be able to carry one. But I found out 6.5 weeks later I was pregnant! And you've been to my blog.... I had him Dalton.
Then it was 5 years and feeling like you. I again got motivated and lost a little and because prego again.... Lost that one at 12 weeks. Everything happens for a reason. 14 weeks later found out I was 10 wekks. I got pregnant following the miscarriage. And now have Tyson.
Dr's make mistakes, they can happen and miracles can too! I have two of them. Have faith.
I don't know what your condition is but whatever it is. If it is meant to be it will be. Just know in your heart that it will all turn out.
The less you stress the more fertile you become.
Good luck my friend and try to keep well!
You know I'm always a pretty up beat girl, but lately I've had a lot of the blues too. Please don't feel bad about sharing the way you feel. Nobody can be perky all the time. Your feelings are real and we care about you.
ReplyDelete(((big hugs)))
Coleen, One thing i really appreciate about your blog is the honesty you show and your willingness to share with others! Don't be embarrased or ashamed to share stuff like this with all of us. That's what's so great about blogging--you can really vent!
ReplyDeleteI really hope that you are feeling a little bit better today! Just take it easy, do one task at a time, and don't put too much pressure on yourself!
And don't feel like you're being selfish with your baby issues. We all certainly understand your desire to have another child. I guess the answer is to keep trying (you never know what God has in store; I had one at 36!!) and, in the meantime, to try and find joy in the HERE and NOW.
Smiles and hugs!!
Sorry to hear about baby planning not going the way you wish. It's sad to hear good mothers not having this wish.
ReplyDeleteNo, not selfish at all....it is hard to put on that smile and be happy for someone else when it's something you wish was happening to you.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was heading towards 30, I too felt like crap....and after it was here and over, it started to sink it, I was no longer in my 20's. I'm 31 now and it's not so bad :)
Feel better....
It's been a week since you blogged....I hope you are okay...
ReplyDeleteJust checking in.. ditto what jen said.. we're thinking about you and hope you're alright.
ReplyDeleteColeen, are you ok girl? Just checking in on you...have been visiting the blog and just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you and praying for you....I hope you are back among the blogging community soon. I miss ya!
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
Been missing you, Coleen! Hope everything's okay!!
ReplyDeleteLove ya!
I hioe you are okay sweet Coleen. I have so missed you!!!
ReplyDeleteEmail me if you need to talk or anything.
We all love ya!
Love and hugs,
Sue
Coleen ... I'm so sorry you are down. I really believe your sharing your struggles and how you are feeling is a good sign. Many times when we are down and not feeling like ourselves we keep it to ourselves and I so believe it's best to share when/how we can. Maybe by talking about it, it will help. Just know I'm thinking about you ... I do not have the "right" words to make it better ... but just know I'm here and you are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything is ok...
ReplyDeleteColeen....where are you?! i miss you!
ReplyDelete